


Damaged

by susanowa (panickyintheuk)



Series: Misc bingo fills [3]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Extremely Dubious Consent, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Rough Sex, Sex Pollen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-01
Updated: 2017-03-01
Packaged: 2018-09-27 15:16:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10027643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/panickyintheuk/pseuds/susanowa
Summary: He listened as the door slid open, listened as Steve came though it at a pace and made straight for him. He didn’t even say hello, just put his hands on Tony’s shoulders and pushed him up against the nearest wall.Tony laughed breathlessly. "We haven't done this in a while," he said.





	

**Author's Note:**

> OKAY! So, this is for the 'kink: sex pollen' square on my card. I had about 200 words of it hanging around for ages, and then I wrote the rest of it last night/the early hours of this morning. It got a little darker than I originally intended. I've chosen not to use archive warnings, because I think the 'Rape/Non-con' warning has a lot of connotations that probably aren't really representative of the fic, but having said that, there are a TON of consent issues here, and everyone has a lot of really complicated feelings about it, and they're not necessarily processed or resolved in the healthiest way during the course of the fic itself. If you're sensitive to fics that deal with consent issues then I suggest you tread very carefully with this one.
> 
> Anyway, a little setup: this is set after AoU, but ignores subsequent canon entirely, and pretends that Pepper and Tony broke up shortly after The Avengers. It also pretends that Steve never said "language", because, feh. Hopefully it should make sense with that in mind?
> 
> Title is a nod to the great Primal Scream song.

“Boss,” said FRIDAY, “Captain Rogers is here.”

“Huh,” said Tony. “If I’d known he was coming, I’d have baked a cake. Or did I forget something?”

“Not that I know of, Boss.”

“Well, let him in anyway,” said Tony. It had been a while since he’d seen Steve one-on-one, and — well. He listened as the door slid open, listened as Steve came though it at a pace and made straight for him. He didn’t even say hello, just put his hands on Tony’s shoulders and pushed him up against the nearest wall.

Tony laughed breathlessly. "We haven't done this in a while," he said.

Steve spun him around to face the wall.

"Okay,” said Tony, an edge creeping into his voice, “we've _never_ done this," as Steve tried to get his pants down, uncharacteristically clumsy with the zipper, even considering the fact he was doing it blind. Shit, no, something was wrong. Tony struggled to turn back around, managed to get most of the way there.

"Steve, _stop_ ," he said firmly, holding out a flat hand — it was, admittedly, the way he would hold it if he wanted to fire a repulsor blast while he was in the suit, but that wasn't actually what he was thinking — he was just thinking that maybe Steve wasn't processing language too well right now and might respond better to a non-verbal cue. He and Bruce had been experimenting with using Makaton with the Hulk, and he was applying the same principle here, because Steve was clearly some kind of fucked up.

And, lo and behold, Steve did stop — but he looked like a bull in the ring, panting heavily, eyes glassy and unfocused.

"FRIDAY," said Tony, "fly me in some lube and a condom, okay? Make that a couple, just in case."

"It's okay," he said, stroking Steve's side. "I'm going to take care of you, you just have to give me a second, all right?" Steve stared at him, like he was only half comprehending. “Just, put your hands —” Tony took his wrists, gently, and guided them. “Put them on the wall, for now. I’m not going anywhere, see?” He was caged in, but it seemed to calm Steve down, a little. Whether it was just that his hands had something to do, or because he could stop Tony leaving, it didn’t matter right now. Tony wasn’t leaving anyway.

Tony got his pants off, kicked them away, as the drone flew in. “Thanks, FRIDAY, just — drop them to the side, on the floor, okay?” He didn’t want it getting in Steve’s face and spooking him — and it was pretty bad that he was thinking about Steve the way he usually did about the Hulk, but it seemed to fit.

“Do you want me to call anyone for you, Boss?” asked FRIDAY, pitching her voice low and soothing.

“Can you just monitor for now? I’m going to try and — de-escalate him.”

“Are you sure, Boss?”

“Yeah,” said Tony. “Okay,” he said, addressing Steve. “I’m going to bend down and pick up the lube and a condom, okay?” He pointed to the floor and started reaching slowly for them, but Steve didn’t like it, he stepped in closer to stop Tony moving. On a whim, Tony kissed him, softly. “You want to pick them up for me?” he tried. “You know this. You want to fuck me, huh?” He stroked Steve’s side again, watched his Adam’s apple bob up and down in his throat. “You can, so, so, soon, but we just need to get the lube and a condom first, okay? It’ll be so quick, and then you can fuck me — let’s go together, huh?” He took Steve’s right wrist firmly in his hand and tugged in the direction of the lube. Steve went with him. “Good, that’s good,” he said, guiding them down until he good pick them up, then coming back up, smoothly but quickly. He wasn’t sure how much longer Steve would wait. He got a handful of lube and reached behind him, smearing it across his hole and then probing in with one finger, trying to get more lube in as fast as he could. It wasn’t enough, and he never did this, it was going to hurt, but it would hurt anyway, there wasn’t time. He opened the condom packet with a shaking hand — awkward, his hand all lubed up, but he’d wanted lube first, that was the most important part — and then finally reached for Steve’s flies. He was pretty sure once he got his hand on Steve’s cock, everything was going to start happening at once. He took a deep, steadying breath.

“Just a second, just a second,” he muttered. “We’re so nearly done, I promise.” Steve was breathing heavily, and trembling. “I know, I know,” he said, as he carefully reached for Steve’s cock. When he touched it, Steve crowded him into the wall, but Tony managed to get the condom on in a matter of seconds — lucky he was used to this. He wiped as much of the lube as he could off his hand and onto Steve’s cock. “We’re done,” he said, heart in his throat. Planning, preparing, that was one thing, but now he just had to let it happen, and that was the terrifying part.

For a second he thought he might have read things all wrong, maybe this was all a mistake, maybe — but then Steve grabbed him by the thighs and hiked him up against the wall, and then — he was uncoordinated still, his cock batting against the inside of Tony’s thighs, smearing lube between his legs, but he was getting closer, and then — too fast, God, it _hurt_ , but he’d known it was going to hurt, he’d known this. He pushed a breath out between his lips, tried to take another, tried to say something to calm Steve down, make him go slower, but he was going too fast and too hard, Tony couldn’t catch his breath.

It went on and on. After a while, he went somewhere else in his head, somewhere blank and blue, like a clear sky. By the end, Steve’s hair was damp with sweat, his face blotchy. When he came, he gripped Tony’s arms hard enough to bruise, and then he rested his forehead against Tony’s, breathing heavily. Tony cradled the back of Steve’s skull in his hands, muttered something, something like _baby, sweetheart, it’s okay, I’m here_ , something stupid, his brain not really engaged. He could almost feel it, the moment that clarity descended. Steve jerked away and out of him with a wince, leaving Tony to slide down the wall. He looked _horrified_.

“It’s okay,” Tony said.

“Jesus Christ, Tony,” said Steve, reaching for him and then pulling back, “God, what did I —” he fell to his knees next to Tony and reached between his legs. Tony barely had the energy to flinch back. Steve pressed his thumb carefully against Tony’s hole and pulled it away, looked at it wide-eyed, then slumped. “No blood,” he said. “Oh, my God.”

“FRIDAY,” Tony managed, “call Helen. Come on,” he added to Steve, “we should get you cleaned up before she gets here.”

“Get _me_ cleaned up?” echoed Steve incredulously. 

They shared a perfunctory shower, Steve spending most of the time checking Tony over, while Tony mostly focused on keeping his feet. 

“Are you okay?” Steve said, again and again, and “I’m sorry,” and Tony nodded and shook his head in the right places, and finally Steve stopped asking, but he didn’t stop _looking_ at him like that.

“I’m just tired,” Tony tried, but it didn’t help.

Steve had to change back into the clothes he’d been wearing, rumpled and sweaty and a little stained with lube around the flies, but there wasn’t much they could do about that. Tony changed into loose sleep pants and a soft cashmere sweater. Steve stopped looking at him.

It was awful, with Helen — she was professional, of course, and she asked Steve all the questions that needed asking, the questions he hadn’t been in a fit state to answer before, and Tony hadn’t been in a fit state to ask after. A Hydra agent had sneaked into the compound and dosed him with something; he didn’t know if anyone else had been exposed (they checked in — nobody had, but they were going to run a full decontam and monitor the situation); he came straight here. Helen was sympathetic and understanding and didn’t put a foot wrong, and Steve stood there the whole time, his face blank, exuding misery as Helen took blood and shone lights in his eyes and said the right things, and then she left for the lab, and they were alone.

“Come sit by me,” Tony said eventually. He was sitting cross-legged on the couch. Steve looked at him, a plaintive, suffering expression on his face. Tony patted the seat next to him, and Steve crossed the room and sank down next to him, letting his head fall back. Tony took his hand and squeezed.

“I can’t believe you have lube drones,” Steve said at last, sounding almost normal again, finally.

“They’re not _lube drones_. They’re for anything.”

“How do they work?”

“So, the drawers all have automated openings, so FRIDAY can control them, and then the drones have little claws that she can use to grab things.”

“Like at a fairground?”

“No, they’re — well, kind of. But a lot better.”

Steve was smiling, until he wasn’t. It dropped off his face in an instant, and his eyes went hard again.

“Hey, stop it,” said Tony. “It’s fine, I swear.”

Steve looked away. “I wasn’t going to stop.”

“You _did_ stop, when I asked you to.”

“Not for long. You knew it wasn’t going to be for long.”

“It was as long as it needed to be. And even if it hadn’t been, it wasn’t you, Steve —”

“Oh, at least pick a platitude and stick with it,” Steve snapped. “Either I was in control the whole time or I wasn’t in control at all, which is it?”

Tony pulled his hand away and shut his mouth. Steve pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes. “God, sorry,” he said, “you’re the _last_ person I want to —”

“I know,” said Tony, a little bitter.

“To _take things out on_ ,” Steve finished firmly. “I can’t believe this is — I thought about —” he cut himself off, looked away again.

“Look,” said Tony, “you have to stop beating yourself up. You ever think maybe I was taking advantage of you? You weren’t in your right mind, and I —”

“For God’s sake, Tony, you were scared shitless,” said Steve impatiently. “I’m not stupid.”

“Maybe,” said Tony. “I don’t know. I — there were other ways I could have handled it. I could have got FRIDAY to call someone, or called in the armor. Maybe I wanted it.”

“I don’t think so,” said Steve. “I think you did the smart thing, like you always do. Even if it hurts you. You knew it was either fight or — you wanted to avoid a fight.”

“I don’t know,” Tony repeated. “But I know — I know you wouldn’t want to hurt me, if you had a choice.”

“That’s true,” Steve acknowledged. “But I wasn’t thinking about that. I —” his eyes got a little glazed again, for a second. “It’s not like you were the first person I saw, after I got dosed. I went looking for you.”

“I guess you knew I was a sure thing.”

“Don’t talk about yourself like that,” said Steve sharply.

“What? It’s not _bad_.”

“It’s — no, it isn’t, but it’s, you don’t mean it in a good way, I can tell. And that’s, I don’t _know_ that, I don’t think of you like that, I…” Steve turned to him properly. His eyes were huge and a little damp. “What exactly happened between us, Tony, in your opinion?”

“Today?”

“No. Not today.”

“Oh. Well… in my opinion, we were relieving a little tension. And then I left the team, so the tension wasn’t an issue anymore, so we stopped.”

“See, I figured it was something like that. That’s why _I_ stopped.”

The silence stretched out. “Can I change my answer?” said Tony. Steve looked at him again, expectantly. “I figured that _you_ were relieving a little tension. It wasn’t about that for me.”

“It wasn’t about that for _me_ ,” said Steve, his voice thick. “God, I’ve missed you like crazy. Did you think I was lying when I said I’d miss you?”

“I kind of thought you were trying to be polite.”

Steve shook his head. “I was just trying to — respect you. I wanted to say, don’t go, I… do you have any idea how many times I’ve fantasized about just showing up at your door? I can’t believe that when I finally did it it was because I got _mickeyed_.”

Well, thought Tony, at least he was finally framing himself as the victim here. “And what happens, in these fantasies?”

“Oh, I make a very eloquent speech. I’m still working on it.”

Tony laid a hand on his arm. “And then what happens?” he asked softly, and then Steve was kissing him, eyes screwed shut like it hurt.

He pulled away, too soon. “You don’t have to,” he said, a little desperately.

“I want to,” said Tony. “I missed you too. I thought about you too.” Steve looked at him, imploring, like a painting of Damocles. “Do you want to do this, for real?”

“Really?” said Steve, a whisper. “What about — the press, and everything?”

Tony laughed. “Baby, I’m Iron Man. I’ve been kidnapped and tortured on _more_ than one occasion, hooked up to a car battery, flown a nuke into space — challenged an international terrorist to a fight on live TV. You think I’m scared of a little coming out party?”

Steve looked like he was trying to stop smiling, but it didn’t work. “Will you try to cut down on some of that stuff?”

“I’d hate to make any promises I couldn’t keep.”

“Fair enough,” said Steve, still smiling, but with a crease in his forehead. “I guess I’d have to say the same.”

“So?”

“God, yes! Of course, yes. I can’t believe — oh, Tony,” he said, putting one hand on Tony’s cheek, the other on his waist. “You know, I’ve been trying to get used to it. Living without you. I was managing, but… this is a lot better.”

“Yeah,” said Tony, “I know what you mean.”

**Author's Note:**

> Tony's comments should not be taken to reflect my personal views on coming out! Coming out can be very scary for some people and that is valid! Just saying


End file.
